President-elect Donald Trump has identified Hamilton B Urglar for Secretary of the Treasury.
The news started earlier this morning with a series of tweets.
3:30AM Watching reruns of old McDonaldland shows. Fantastic!
Followed by the announcement:
3:35AM After long consideration, I have decided The Hamburglar will be my choice for Secretary of Treasury. He’s smart!
Urglar formally worked for fast food giant McDonalds where he stole hamburgers from unsuspecting children. Since then his work history has been sketchy, but common theories include hiding in Venezuela and federal incarceration. Urglar is also a registered sex offender in 33 states.
Reaction on Capitol Hill was mixed.
“I’m not so sure a public thief might be the right person for this job” said Senator Bernie Sanders, “his ties to corporate greed should disqualify him.”
Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell stated “I was hoping that the President Elect would choose Myrtle the Turtle to lead Treasury for the American People. But as long as Urglar only steals from children he would be an acceptable candidate.”
We reached out to Hamilton B Urglar for comment, but all the Hamburglar would say was “robble robble”.